Small Country

I received the following email today (FYI: the intended recipients are Australians):

The population of this country is 20 million.

11 million are retired.

That leaves 9 million to do the work.

There are 5 million in school

Which leaves 4 million to do the work.

Of this there are 2 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 2 million to do the work.

0.1 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama  Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 1.9 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 1.5 million people who
work for state and  city Governments. And that leaves 0.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 18,800 people in hospitals.

Leaving 381,200 to do the work.

Now, there are 381,198 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

Rude Morning Jokes

V. and I share a guilty pleasure. We enjoy watching "Sunrise," the morning show on 7, hosted by "Mel" (Melissa Doyle) and "Kochie" (David Koch). It comes on right after a broadcast of the previous day's "Today" program from the U.S, which provides a fascinating cultural contrast. Whereas "Today" is characterised by fast-paced segments of interviews, cooking demonstrations, and short bits of banter between the hosts, "Sunrise" covers only about a quarter of that material in the same amount of time because the interviews tend to be twice as long and the banter even longer. One feature of the show at around 6:45 am each day is Kochie's Joke of the Day. Here is where there's a very clear difference between the sensibilities of Australia and the United States. Simply put, most of these jokes would spark major protests if they were told on the "Today" show. For example, an entire week of Joke of the Day was devoted to dumb blond jokes. Many other jokes are just downright 'dirty.' Here's one that was told this week. WARNING: if you are easily offended by dim-witted humor, you may not want to read further!

One day the Lone Ranger was finally captured by some Indians and was told that he would be executed in two days for previous crimes against their tribe. The Lone Ranger asked if he could see his horse, Silver, one last time, so the Indians brought Silver to his tent. The Lone Ranger whispered something into Silver's ear, and Silver trotted away. A little while later, Silver returned to the tent with a beautiful blond on his back. The blond entered the Lone Ranger's tent and spent the night with him.

The next evening, the Indians reminded the Lone Ranger that he would be executed the following day. The Lone Ranger once again asked to see his horse. And, once again, he whispered something into Silver's ear and the horse trotted off. This time, however, Silver came back carrying a beautiful brunette on his back. The brunette entered the tent and spent the night with the Lone Ranger.

The next morning, as the Indians prepared to take him off to his execution, the Lone Ranger furiously yelled at Silver to come over to him. As Silver approached, the Lone Ranger shouted:

"You stupid horse! I told you, 'Get posse! Get posse!'"

Cops and Robbers

Our local city, Sandy Springs, recently became incorporated, and many members of its police force have been recruited from surrounding communities, probably with significantly better pay. As a result of all the enthusiasm that accompanies new things, the police department has been especially proactive, giving lots of speeding tickets and keeping the local neighborhood watches apprised of every local offense via email. I simply had to share this one with you, my loyal readers:

A 43-year old man was arrested at 6335 Roswell Road, in the parking lot of a gym after a man reported that when he walked out of the gym and got into his car, a silver Mercedes drove up next to him and the driver of the car began to stare at him. The complainant said that he noticed a motion coming from the man’s hands, near the waist area and suspected the man was staring at him and masturbating at the same time. (This is sometimes known as multi-tasking.)

The report indicated the man told the complainant “Hey Big Boy, can I play with you?” The complainant then got out of the car and walked over to the man’s car at which time the man probably read the word “Police” on the complainant’s T-shirt.
The man was arrested for Solicitation for an Illicit Sexual Act, a city ordinance. The complainant is a detective with Sandy Springs Police.

The guy in jail is upset because of all the luck, this guy was a cop.

The detective is upset because all day long everyone’s been calling him “Big Boy.”